Feeling Discouraged Recently

I think most people who never know it by looking at me or reading most of what I post but I have been getting very discouraged recently with the benefit I am putting together. I have been having a lot of stress related issue in my health and have been having lots of benefit related nightmares, including not getting any donations, not having any volunteers to help and just me running around and then the worst not having anyone show up. It is very rough on me since I am the only one working on this benefit. It is my baby, I designed it, I have evolved it, and it is my responsibility. However recently it has come to my attention that I have never really explained how this whole benefit came into existence. This benefit came into existence because I wanted a way to get my website out to as many young adults as I could in case they needed it in the future and also to make sure that cancer survivors both near and far from me could know it was available to them. From there, with the help of my friend Erin, I started brainstorming ideas and in the end I decided to do a Silent Auction Awareness night where I would pass out awareness information. Well I knew I wanted to donate a portion of the money to a charity but I had 4 of them that I thought equally do a great job in the area of young adults, so I picked those four to be on the list. Now, as the event grew and I started soliciting donations I realized that people are not comfortable with the money going to my website, even though I ask for no money at all for the benefits of my website, and there is no membership or signing up of any kind. Anyone can come and go as they please. So, in the process of researching I decided it might be best to look into being a nonprofit because I am not making any money off my site and that way I could keep gathering information and resources for survivors and not have to worry about people’s reluctance to donate. Well as I did more research I got discouraged that I could not be a nonprofit because there are so many rules and I do not meet all the criteria, as I delved further though I think that I can and I am certainly going to look into it because I think it may be the best thing for my website to be. Obviously I cannot just have a free to use website, I must be registered in order to be worth anything. What few people realize is that before the benefit I worked countless hours on my website and the second reason for the benefit was to get money to get my website fixed in the areas I cannot do myself. I am not a web designer, I have very minor experience in programming and coding for websites and yet I built the whole website but I have big plans to make it more accessible and cover more areas but I cannot do it by myself and I cannot get anyone to help me for free so I need money, and I don’t have it by myself. So, there it is in plain English if you were curious, this benefit started out as a way to 1.) Raise awareness for my website and 2.) to raise funds to have a professional help me add and fix areas of said website. In the past 3 months though it has evolved into being something much more than my website and even though 60% of the funds will still go to my website, I am the only individual (besides Sharlene) to donate to the benefit, and I have donated TONS of stuff, both under the studio name and the website name. So, by the time the benefit is over, I will more than likely break even on the benefit. Which is fine, but I should not feel bad for giving only 40% to charity and I do, and that is not fair. I have been busting my ass on this benefit, I think about it nonstop, I design, plan, call and approach donors all day long. There is not a single day where I am not trying to make this benefit a huge success and where am I spending the most time you might ask, the charity baskets that’s where and those are 100% going to each charity, so I get NOTHING from them. I repeat NOTHING! I am entering contests out the whazoo to try and win stuff for the benefit, I am applying for Spirit Jumps, I am writing to celebrities, making wish lists and gift registries, bank accounts and press releases and yet I feel like every time I get a few steps ahead I end up 10 steps back. It is so frustrating to feel like I am not doing a good enough job when I am giving everything I got. It is very, very discouraging. So there it is in a nutshell, I feel like I am wasting my time. I should be building a half way decent portfolio and finding a job and instead I am pouring my heart and soul into something that will more than likely fail. Depressing really if you think about it. Oh well, back to work I suppose but first an oatmeal bath for these full body hives I am suffering from! :(