Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Average Jetty

For a long time I have known that I am an average person. There is nothing really special about me; I am average at everything I do. I am not great at anything and I am not horribly bad at anything. This may seem strange but it is true. I am an artist but not a great one, I am just average. I love to play sports but I am not great at them. I have always come in second on everything but one thing in my whole life. I have never been the person who excels at everything. I got good grades in school but never valedictorian or even salutatorian. I graduated with honors everywhere I have gone, and would have graduated the Art Institute with a 3.9 GPA if I didn’t have to drop out. The point of this is, I have many skills but nothing sets me apart from the crowd. I am exactly like everyone else. In high school, I was not popular; I have never been the pretty one. I am relatively funny and I can make people laugh but again I am not the funniest person in the room. Contrary to what people who meet me/ know me think, I am not particularly great at anything. I realized this last night as I tried to redraw a character that Fish made for me. My husband Fish is great at everything, he has lots of talent. My only real talent is that I am good with people and I can sell anything. I am quite the salesperson, too bad it has never been my goal to be in sales. I am very outgoing that’s a great trait of mine. So, for the past few years I have come to accept that I am average, I am good at things, I enjoy doing things but I am not great at anything in life. Most people never stop to think about what they are truly good at but I think about it all the time. The reason I think about it all the time is that I am constantly overloading myself with things to do. Things that I feel need to be done no matter what. In fact while I am writing this I am thinking of 10 other things I could be doing. I have paintings stacked up from upwards of 5 years ago, I am constantly collecting things to “do something with them” but they end up in stacks or drawers in my studio. I know one day I will have time to complete them but for now they just sit. I have no job right now, have been unable to find a job that suites my talents (or lack thereof) so I technically have the time right now while I look but alas nothing get finished. I am incredibly organized but overwhelm myself all the time. I wonder if I finish this website and book if I can finally find something I am incredibly good at. For the longest time I thought I was a fair modeler. I can make anything you want. If you asked me to make your favorite place or object, I could do it. However even this I am not good enough at. I have been working at a studio for almost 3 years and yet I still cannot find a job in the art industry. I know when I can clear my mind I will find my one true talent. Where is this coming from you may ask? I have been watching many movies recently, unlike normal movie viewers; I am a fully immersed viewer. Every time I see a preview for Whip It, it makes me want to go skating, I love skating both ice and regular. However, I am not good enough to be on a team or anything like that. I am really good at badminton and pretty good at Volleyball but I would never play on a team. I do not think I would do a team any good. Anyway, I just wanted to write a bit about what I have been thinking of recently. I am completely overwhelmed in areas that are nowhere near my specialty. I am a 3D Modeler not a web designer. I am an artist not a writer. Yay for first blog entries! :-D Love Love Jettychan