So, for those of you who do not know the benefit was a complete and utter failure from what I wanted it to be. I worked for 6 months on this event, I stuffed bags, made baskets, baked cupcakes and brownies, designed web pages and advertisements. Basically I did everything I could think of to make this event happen and I only found support from a handful of people along the way and for that I am eternally grateful. I was surprised how many truly honorable people asked for my address to send me a check donation and then I never got it. I think perhaps the post office lost quite a few of my things. But that is not the point. The point is that the benefit was a lot like my wedding. I worked so very hard on it and then other people and circumstances fucked it up for me, but like my wedding I am very glad I did it. It is still hard for me to believe that the benefit is over and that I used $5000 and only made around $500. I had 13 paying people come to the event and ended up giving away the 50 pizzas I ordered. Almost all of the 52 baskets I made ended up selling for the opening cost of $20 or not selling at all (or I bid on them to get them started and ended up winning them.) You could have gotten $100s of stuff for $20 had anyone other than my sister bid online or shown up. However that too is not the point of this little typing escapade. I wanted to write out for myself about the benefit because I know that not many people pay attention to my posts, or my groups or messages. I know most people will not read this note but at least it is out there in case someone a few weeks down the line goes, oh yeah! I wonder how that benefit thingy went. Now they will know, it failed. So, many people keep telling me, it is not a failure and if I reached one person it was a success, which would be true if I had had one single young adult show up. Alas I did not. There is also another point to this note and that is that after spending an awesome day with Sachiko yesterday jus playing and having fun for once. I realized that I have not spent time having real no benefit thoughts attached fun in over 6 months. I need to work on my life for a while because if it was not for the stupid benefit I would be moved by now and out working a job I actually like. BUT I know that it is not in me to give up and so do all of you if you know me at all. So, I have already decided I am still going to accomplish all I wanted from the benefit (save 4 fat checks for the charities, instead I will have to give 4 super small ones but I know they will still appreciate them), and I am going to start it right away. What I am going to do is do my own fundraising for the goal of my benefit. SO, if you did not come to the event or did not bid and you feel bad about it, the best way to make it up to me is to work out how to work with me through my studio to make your Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanza gifts or event Birthday gifts. Or I can make you a custom Chemo pet, I now make them in the shape of animals or some objects too. So, IF you feel any of the above, please think about helping me with this current fundraiser. However, since I am no longer delusional, I do know that most of my friends on here will not read the note and those who do will more than likely not be able to help, but I am just very proud of me for at least attempting to still accomplish my dreams and not moping around in my I wasted $5000 on a stupid event no one cared about blues. So, for me I am already awesome. I am just awesome with no way of accomplishing my dream without the help of others, which means in laymen’s terms I am screwed.